?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Lost Friend Found: AKA The fic that makes no sense - Lord love the badfics 'cause we sure don't. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Gundam Wing badfics!

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Lost Friend Found: AKA The fic that makes no sense [Oct. 24th, 2004|12:06 pm]
Gundam Wing badfics!

gwcesspool

[gravi_girl123]
I’d just like to note, if this is her second language than I’m a bitch, but I have yet to see any note that she doesn’t speak English well or something.
For some odd reason this person calls fanfics “funfics” I’d like to take this opportunity to slam my head upon my desk. There were so many parts in this I wanted to paste just for the grammatical errors and oddly structured sentences that made me laugh.

Story or Series Title: Lost Friend Found http://www.fanfiction.net/s/26206/1/
Perp Author: Ezekiel Klitiras (Silver Wing)

Full name plus any additional titles or aliases: Misako Otani…also known as the Goddess of Hell *pukes* Oh and Colonel Otani of the Spirals

Full species: Mary-Sue, Type: infamous “new pilot”

Hair color (It’s easier if you use the text from the fic): “Her waist-length black hair was let loose down her back with two small braids at each side.”
Eye color (see above):
“Her big, black eyes looked cold, distant, emotionless, and deadly, even more deadly then Heero's.” Oh please save us all, she’s deadlier than the Mr. Perfect Soldier (*snort* that is not my name for him as you will soon see)

Unusual markings and colorations: Well she appears to be a cross between Wufei (Chinese), Heero (With her eyes and later on she says she’s supposed to be the perfect soldier) and poor Duo by ripping off gundam name and his own title Y_Y, and Quatre (she comes from L4) I think the only one who got off easy so far was Trowa. Unless you count the fact she doesn’t speak much.

Gundam name and style (if any): DeathHell- Oh no, another Sue rip off of DeathSythe(hell) - Her Gundam has the ability to be invisible using a very “special” cloaking device. “It was totally covered in black, saved for a few flare like design on its eyebrows, shield, and it's hands. It was carrying a double-sided beam suber on its right hand, and a shield on it's left. If you have seen it from afar, you would have thought that it's a devil from hell.” Yeah she does have a point, people can be pretty fucking stupid.

Mary Sue’s/Gary Stu’s Victim Love Interest of the Day: At first I thought it was Heero but now Duo is falling for her. Dun DUn DUN

Special Possessions (if any): A magical charm bracelet that allows her to skip time and have the pilots care for her in a short amount of time (or so I am assuming.)

Annoying Origin: She used to be an OZ pilot but now is a gundam pilot because in this authors world it can so happen.

Annoying Connections to Canon: Well at the end of the first chapter Heero realizes her name is familiar as is her face. Then later on we find that her best friend as a child was “Odin lowe Junior” HEERO! And Dr. J is the one who sends her to be the new pilot!
Annoying Special Abilities: Somehow within 3 weeks (the second chapter) Heero has grown to care for her.

Other Annoying Traits Worth Noting: She was daughter of one of the best OZ pilots who no one’s ever heard of *cough*, “She joined OZ at an age of 10, graduated in first place from the Pacific Academy at 12. Because of her amazing capability in almost everything, from piloting to weaponry, she rose though the ranks in just a matter of three years. Now, as a colonel, she was highly respected and parsed by any that know her. Two years ago, for some reason, Misako suddenly disappeared from the face of the Earth only a few months after her father's tragic death. Some say she went to the colonies. Some say she had been killed, but nobody really knows her where abouts.” Nor does anyone care.

Give us a taste of the poison:
Here’s a clip from the begging, when the horror begins.
"Hun, Interesting." Yes she twisted hn, I just decided to pretend he was talking to Duo. Heero Yuy said in his usual dryly tone as he reread the message from Dr. J. Already there was at least 4 mistakes, does she not know how to re-read her own work?!
"What? What happened?" Duo asked the Japanese pilot siting in front of his laptop, frowning. Heero rarely shows any sign of emotions, it must be something serious to make the Mr. Perfect Solider to react like this. As Duo read the message over the Wing pilot's shoulder, his only response was: "WHAT!" I was saying the same thing as Duo, The Mrs. Perfect Soldier. And just who was frowning I’d like to know.
Duo's shouting caught attention of the other four-gundam pilots. "What's wrong, Duo?" Asked Quatre as he, Trowa, and Wufei walked into the room where the two-gundam pilots are. Ok she wouldn’t write re-read but she’ll write two-gundam?!
Still unable to speak much, all Duo could get out of his mouth was "Just go check your laptop."
Still very confused, Quatre walked over to his rarely used laptop, and opened it. Immediately, a message flashed on to the screen. It reads: Fellow Gundam pilots, Dr. J is the 6th Gundam pilot?! I heard that you were haven some trouble in penetrating the new OZ base, so I'm sending you a new gundam pilot to assist you on this mission, and this mission only. Because apparently we train people to be better than you and take away their lives just for one mission. Then we throw them away like disposable cameras! The pilot will be arriving at 1200 hours. Please greet the new pilot nicely. Dr. J. And don’t fall into her Mary-Sue traps!

Chapter 2
In this chapter Heero realizes he cares about her and hopes she isn't hurt. Sadly she is and now we have to deal with the pain that is Duo taking care of her *shudder*


Chapter 3
"Who asked for your opinion? And what do you care?" Misako reply in her usual cold tone, shaking Duo's hands because she’s so polite off her forcefully, and giving Duo an annoying glare. Even the author knows she’s annoying and an undeveloped character Then she trying to sit up again, but failed, again.
"Because you are a valuable ally." Duo said, speaking half the truth as he watched worriedly at Misako as she tried to sit up again, but failed. "And I...I...sort of like...y... ok since when does Duo have trouble displaying affection? And since when did they become friends let alone have a conversation? Will you stop trying to sit up! Your wounds will reopen if you don't!"
"No." Misako said simply, then trying to sit up, again and again. After some effort, she successfully sat up on the bed oh hell yeah; this Sue can do it all! She’s the little Sue that could! and lent back on the head broad, tired out.
Duo shook his head at Misako's display of stubbornness, and sighed in pure frustration. "Stubborn as ever." Just like WUFEI BECAUSE YOU JUST BLENDED THE PILOTS! Exclaimed Duo more to himself then to the girl in front of him. Then he handed Misako a cup of water, then sat down on the chair beside her bed, his eyes never leaving the wounded girl. He sat there in the chair, unmoving, slouching forward with his elbows braced against his knees, chin propped over laced fingers. It was an ungainly, graceless pose, but he wasn't interested in how he appeared. Instead, his eyes trained themselves on the silent girl on the bed who looked like an angle does Duo mean angel? I am so lost with this fic. The girl is an angle and a Gundam pilot?? in his eyes. An angle of Hell to be exact. Ooh great line, she’s an angle straight outta hell. A small smile can be seen visible on Duo's tender, young face as he said that to himself mentally. She looks so cute when she's helpless! Arrg! Duo, What's with you and unemotional people? First Heero, then Trowa, then Wufei! Now, this....this....GIRL! And to think you are begin to falling for her! Duo, you ARE hopeless! Oh god she even has those characters wrong. Delve deeper into them and your OWN CHARACTER. Yes Duo you are hopeless in this fic, but fear not, it will end in a few chapters. A small voice said in the back of Duo's head, but Duo merely ignored it, and continued to watch the Chinese pilot.
I’m trying to simply write parts of each chapter but it’s insane. Duo thinks she and Heero could be related…yeah if one wasn’t Chinese and the other Japanese. Then she ‘shouts in a soldier’s face’ “You franking bastards!” because she can’t count.
Chapter 4- Thank god this chapter is easier to read, now maybe I can make some sense of it…nope.: "But Misako can’t fight with two unhealed gun wounds! She could die!" Duo shouted, concern flashing in his violet eyes. His eyes pleaded as he stared at Trowa, but seeing that the 04 pilot was not going to change his decision, he turned to Quatre for help and support. "You agree with me, don’t you, Quatre?"
"Look Duo, I’m sure Misako-san (1) would be alright. She is a gundam pilot after all. And we all know Gundam pilots are immortal…except Duo. He excuses himself for being a mere mortal. Duo, don’t worry too much." Quatre said kindly to Duo as he got up to get his forth cup of black coffee.
"But Quatre…."
"I’ll be fine."
Duo was cut off by an icy monotone, literally, before he could finish. Yes there was literally ice in her monotone, it froze her lungs and she died. As he and the other pilots turned around, they found the subject of their discussion, the one and only Misako Otain, Nah, she’s just one in a million Sue’s to be found littering the web. leaning on the doorframe, dressed in navy blue shorts and a black tank top, staring at them, her eyes and face expressionless. She couldn’t even sit up in bed last night without doing the little engine that could shtick but now suddenly she can walk and dress fashionably? or look sexy?
Then she and Duo share a moment while (fic) Wufei and I roll our eyes.
Chapter 5- oh no, she’s one of those that won’t continue unless she gets 10 reviews. When people say that it makes me not want to review, and after reading this fic it makes me want to blow up my computer. In this chapter she just has a crappy flashback of her father dying, nothing special.
Chapter 6- "Misako! Are you in there?" A worried voice cried out.
The Chinese pilot sighed. Well, so much for my peace and quiet! The DeathHell pilot thought sarcastically. Why is that boy so worried about me anyway? She asked herself not wanting an answer, but got one anyway. It’s her lucky day.
Oh, I don’t know, maybe he cares for you! A little voice answer back in a mocking tone.
Care for me? Yeah right. Even if he does, I don't care for him! Misako debated with that voice. Oooh she’s so cold!
Liar!
Oh, shut up! Misako yelled mentally. When nothing talked back, satisfied, Wow this girls losing it Misako touched her face for any tears that went unnoticed. Nothing. Good. Sometimes those tears just manage to slip by, they’re as good as Gundam pilots Then jumped down from her gundam’s shoulder and landed gracefully and soundlessly behind the 'intruder’.
"Misako! Are you in there?" Duo called out desperately. He has been trying to find the crazy pilot of DeathHell for nearly two hours now. He looked everywhere on the mansion grounds for that girl, but found nothing. The only place that he hadn’t looked is the gundam hanger, and from the look of things, she isn't here either. "I didn’t think a 15 year old would still need a babysitter." Duo sighed. That girl as just as crazy as Heero, only a lot worse. Contradiction much "Where could she be?"
"Maybe right behind you." Or maybe right in front of you. Or behind you. Or in your pants. A familiar cold voice answered his question.
Duo whirred around in surprise at the familiar monotone, then a sense of relief washed over him upon the sight of the subject of his seemly endless search. Then gasped at the sight presented before him. In front of him, Misako stood with her arms crossed in front of her chest, feet apart for balance, her waist long black hair was left flowing freely in the wind. *stabs self as Cliché begins to take over* As the cool breeze picked up that hair and made it swirl around the girl, the moonlight glittered off of it, given it a heavenly glow, creating a dark, yet beautiful, scenery about her. With the moon illuminating the side of her face, and the dark colored skintight cloth that she wore, which showed off every curve of her body, it made her look like a death angel. SO NOW SHES A DEATH ANGEL AND HELL ANGLE?? YOU CAN’T BE BOTH! Make your choice!
Like omg next Duo almost pictures her N…(naked) *shudder* I don’t know if I want to see a lemon/lime from this fic or not. And Duo invents a new word “Guzz” (in place of Geez)
"You really want to know? Fine, I'll tell you." Stepping a bit close then before, Misako restarted again. "I don't want friend is not because I think that I'm better then any of you. And yes, I do think you are just going to get in my way. However that's not the only reason, or the main one. I don't want friends because I don't want any body else to lose their life because of me. I have already last enough, I don't want to be hurt any more."
Like we all haven’t heard that one before….No wait Duo actually hasn’t. *Cries.* I’m just surprised they didn’t start singing a friendship song after Duo tells her “that’s what friends are for”
Duo and her then proceed to make out, why for the love of god why??

Chapter 7 and so far the last chapter- It’s just about their mission… by the reviews there appears to have been another chapter but I have no idea. Since I can’t find a part I particularly find interestingly bad enough to post I’ll just do the last paragraph.
Compared to the boisterous entrance of the American pilot, Trowa's entry was much more serene as Gundam Heavyarms sprain into action. At a relatively far range, Heavyarms showered the OZ troops with countless bullets and micro-missiles, destroying the enemy with a swiftness that only comes from years of training and experience. The dormant night was no longer as fireworks of destruction erected everywhere one following another like the 4th of July. "Phase one completed, Quatre. It's all up to Heero and Misako now. " Then silence ensued save for Duo's sparse comments as the four weapons of destruction spread chaos and havoc through out the once peaceful atmosphere. We are counting on you two. Don't let us down now. Stay safe, both of you. Let me just add I am clueless as to what is the point of this mission but whatever. I commend her for trying to write one, I myself have a very vague idea of how to write those type scenes and try to avoid it. So points for that I guess…
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: maxter2006
2004-10-24 05:43 pm (UTC)
I kinda hope, from what I am reading, that English is her second laungage because most of what I read wasn't very legible.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: gravi_girl123
2004-10-24 06:09 pm (UTC)
*snorts* i know, i kept zoning out while i was reading it was so bad. I still don't know which tense the story was meant to be in.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: duokinneas
2004-10-25 03:24 am (UTC)
Or maybe right in front of you. Or behind you. Or in your pants.

Dear gods, I should hope not!
(Reply) (Thread)